2nd day of my exams, cleared Gp, Econs and Maths. I will just summarise some of the events that happened on monday.

On monday, had Econs in the morning which is pretty unusual since most of the times, its during the afternoon but still the timing doesn't really matter to me anyway. Had econs exam in the classroom which made me discover a wierd trend or pattern if you want to call it that way which is that the school had planned for exams for each subjects to be held in the classroom. So far, i had Econs, physics and maths exams in class already which lead me to think perhaps the school is testing out some relationship between classroom and students' results? Not that it matters to me anywhere but still its ignorant to think that there is a strong relationship between them since both are not likely to be related at all...

In the afternoon, i had GP and i was with ping boon and jieying's group for some reason that i don't know, maybe i was being abnormal that day... Anyway, they were suggesting to go for class outing and as usual i am not going but when asked the reason for such an action, i could only come up with a dumb excuse that i haven't been going for the class outings. A dumb and lame excuse which doesn't even come close to what i am really feeling.

Tuesday, in the morning, i waited at the usual place but apparently nothing good comes out of waiting. Maybe i will stop waiting?I can't begin to describe how much it disappoints me but oh well, life goes on anyway. Had maths later in the morning and seriously it was horrible, i literally blanked out and slept for 1hour but luckily managed to answer some parts of the question.

Thoughts for today: dreams are never meant to come true, wishes are meant to stay as they are, illusions will always exist and no matter what i do, what i want will never be what i get

The final day of holiday, thinking back... This holiday, i guess i did not really make use of it to revise. I rushed through my revision as a result of my lack of concentration due to reasons that i do not wish to reveal here. Nevertheless, i have gained quite abit out of this holiday with everything going on. I discovered new stuff, be it about myself or about the world, formed new theories, understand things better and accepted things much easier.

Sometimes, if things are destined to happen, it will never happen but so be it. I will continue to think of her, and pray for all my friends, their safety and their studies. Hopefully, my prayers are heard by the higher power...

Anyway, its time to head back to school. =)

Random statement: learn to accept things as they are and continue to do what you would do and should do, believe in yourself.

Finally down to the last week of the holidays already. My sis started to hope that the government will prolong the holidays due to the H1N1 flu... But then again, wishes never come true... For me, i really hoped they don't prolong since i am having exam right after the holidays and porlonging of holidays will just mean 1 more week to study which i can't freaking stand already. Everyday, while playing games, i will feel gulity for not studying. I think 1 day this gulit will eat me alive.

Visited some of my friends' blog, i suddenly realise there is more to this world, we all are here with a different mindset, different ablity and a different treasured item. Like mel, he treasured his god. There is this one time when i thought i found my destiny, my purpose in living but seriously that like all other things in my life is just an illusion. It faded away after sometimes, it make me feel so empty. Even though i lost my purpose but i still firmly hold onto my treasured item, something that i had given to others but never received any reply at all. I do not blame them, i already given up on blaming others and forgiving others since i enter JC, i will treat it as nothing have happen and keep walking on, after all, they might just forget my existence after all. There is no point in holding to the illusions, you will only hurt yourself.

Random quote from full metal alchemist: "one is all, and all is one"

Havent been blogging for the past few days so i shall summarise things up.
Last friday, went gym with kiats and mel. training as usual but the muscle ache is getting less intense with each training. After which we had a "war" with the pizza at pizza hut, all of us are too tired. Mel and kiat almost fall asleep eating pizza, kiat due to his failure of destroying the pizzas vow not to enter the battlefield for the next 5 months(lol)

Saturday and sunday, busy studying. Finally finish maths revision, i am prepared for the upcoming exam!! but still frequent practises are required. My grandma house finally have internet, been playing maple for the past few weekends. I guess "old" stuff can be pretty "new" over the time.

A element associated with black and evil.
But why is it no one notice its noble purpose?
Darkness exist to show the world the purity of light.
Black enhance the personal allure of the bright colours.
People who wear black and think they look bad-ass are crap.
Black was never meant for that purpose.
When there is light, there will be darkness.
The darkness provides a serene environment for me.
Only during the night, will my heart be at peace,
i attempted to hold the light
only to be scarred by it.
I retracted my hand, scared and fearful of it.
Now, i only believed in the darkness of human,
no longer the light.

Destined from birth to walk the path of darkness, the one who will that hurt everyone around me...

Random quote: To make people around you happy, you must always smile no matter how sad you are.

To someone: get well soon...

Lyrics:
I am supposed to pursue my dream
in this narrow winding road, stuttering in the crowds of people

It's not that I want to return to that past,
I am just searching for the sky I have lost.
I hope you understand.
Don't show the sad face as if you have been sacrificed.

Tears do not end a sin. We have to carry it with us through
in this maze of feelings with no ends in sight.
Who am I waiting for?
As scribbled on the blank note, I want to be more honest.
What do I want to escape from?
Is it this thing called "reality"?

"For what am I living?"
In the middle of the night as my memories are fading.
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
There's still so much in life to remove this feeling.
I will feel nostalgic about it.
I welcome this pain.

I have to apologize for this. Ah, I'm sorry.
I can't say it well. I'm just causing worries.

Everything that I embraced that day.
Everything that I will embrace tomorrow
I will not arrange them in any order.
I hope you understand. I closed my eyes
but I could still see things I do not want to see.

Unnecessary rumours that I hear for the first time, so what?
"Face it and you will be friends"
Don't tell lies like these.
My heart being agitated from deep inside,
a burning sensation runs through my body.
Actually I'm expecting something
from this thing called "reality".

"For what am I living?"
I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me?
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
I am grateful for all the kindness,
so I want to become stronger to march on.
I do welcome friends and foes.

How do I open the next door? I'm thinking.
The unretractable story has begun.
Open your eyes. Open your eyes.

There is still so much in life to remove this feeling.
I want to start all over again so that I can complete what I haven't done.
Shall we go AGAIN?

"For what am I living?"
I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me?
I can't play safe anymore,
but there is nowhere to go too.
I am grateful for all the kindness,
so I want to become stronger. I feel the nostalgia.
I welcome this pain.

Credits to: http://www.6lyrics.com/music/yui/lyrics/again30.aspx for the lyrics and youtube for the song XD

VOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII, started this post with squalo's favourite phrase, today is a freaking tiring day. Went to gym at 9.45+ and spent about 2hr there training together with kiats and mel. It was relatively a good workout, i was more determined to train than other day, maybe its due to the closing date of my napha re-test. Did a mini-stunt while doing training, i was training some part of the leg when i didn't realise how much the thing should be pulled back and fall from the seat ~_~.

After which, we had lunch at burger king, i went to try the 7-inch burger and got scammed again. The burger was so small... I forgot to take a picture of it. But it was even smaller than sub-way's 6 inch bread. In my lifetime, this is the first year i got scammed until like this. First is the ikan blis, now the burger -_- i must be down on my luck...

Whoopie, seem to have receive some sort of hint that JT is back from hongkong, now i can stop praying every night, ok perhaps not, there is something else i need to do..

Random idea: Human's will is stronger than anything

Started my maths revision finally but ended up in a mess. I went to school in the hope of escaping the terrible heat only to find that the library was not even open ~_~, kena scammed. Either way, i spent 3hrs there doing paper 1 which ended in a terrible mess. Out of 10 questions, i only got 3 questions correct, the other 7 questions are parts correct only. GG for maths liao~

Anyway, pardon me but i going to complain again. There is this friend that believe that i think she is evil. I was like wth? Seriously lar, if i really think that way, would i even bother praying for her? not to mention i am not a believer in god but desperate situation always force men to do drastic actions.Up to date, i only consider 4 of the people that i know, friends.I am really tired of her blaming everything on herself. Sick and tired.

就算你多么讨厌我，
恨我，
但我还是会为你流泪,
依就会从远方保护着你。
为了你的笑容，
我原付出一切，
我多么希望时间能停留，
但分离是不能避勉的。
时间已剩不多了，
我只能珍惜剩下的时间。
我这份感情,
你何时才能明白啊。。。

ok, as promised, i am going to try to end emotional post already... may this be the last crappish post i ever posted

Had infocomm training today again, its the last training for us J2s already. I really did pay attention to the instructor for today's lesson although i doubt i understand 80% of it but still i will try to put it to good choice sometime in the future.

Ok, here comes the emo part of today. I really made up my mind already. Its time to break free of the bonds i restraining myself with, i have deemed that its useless to keep doing things that are going unappreciated. To a thing like me, i have sinned too much in this lifetime to be worthy of things such as love and eternal friendship, i guess all good things will come to an end sooner or later and so does the bad things. I am going to try and end this rubbish type post about worthless emotions soon(once i figure out an appropriate end)

Oh ya, before i end this post, i recommend everyone to watch sengoku basara, its really nice. I think Date Masamune is too cool " are you ready guys?!" =D

Random quote: what is this world full of care when we can't even stand and stare

Ok, today is the last of the academic week. Now can start to concentrate on various subjects. Anyway, today is quite a short day with minimum events but in fact the events that happened today is quite major to me.I have decided not to continue being so nice anymore, its always being taken for granted anyway. It was pretty disappointing to realise that.

By the way, a reply to someone: do you think i won't miss you?

Random statement: the world is full of illusions and dreams, i really hoped to be in a dream someday and never wake up from it...

Bleach's latest opening, i find the lyrics quite interesting so i decided to put it here.

LOVE YOU, When we first met, it was raining silently
LOVE YOU, When we first met, it was rainning silently
You were standing there and now i realize you were crying
LOVE YOU, you were acting as if you were lonely and hurt
In a split second, i found myself enamored with you
In one split second i found myself enamored with you
I understand that you're crying because you're sad
In a split second, i found myself enarmored with you
In one split second i found myself enarmored with you
I understand that you're crying becos you're sad
I want to stay by your side so i can wipe away every tear
I'll protect you from now on
From everything that makes you hurt
I'll never understand why it happens, but i don't care
It's not going to be perfect
But i swear I'll make you happy
I promise, I'll protect you, forever and ever

Credits to: Gendou.com

Oh ya, JT going for her trip tomorrow so here wishing her a safe trip =)

Its getting really hard to concentrate on studies. Music can't calm me down anymore and sometimes in fact make me more irritated. I seriously don't know what the hell is wrong with me anymore. In any case, i have to figure out my problem asap.

I am really tired both mentally and physically... I just feel that my life is lacking something... People always say in life, we search for the correct answers but is the correct answer really the right one? Besides, i rather not know some of the answers. When one delve too deep into matters, sometimes the reality discovered is far worse than the illusion experienced.

2 more days left before total darkness...

I just had a very funny lunch as in the content of the talk during the lunch is funny, i will talk about that later. Anyway, second week of holiday is like school week for me, had to go school everyday but the duration are far lesser. Thank goodness for that or i think i will go crazy if its the usual duration.

Lessons from 8am to 2pm, had lunch with caryn at mac. Before i start, i just want to add that i am that kind of guy that find flaws in things funny so bear with me if you don't find this amusing at all. Ok, we were talking about how the guys in infocomm club always tend to put her and another guy of the same CCA together, she commented that we(guys in infocomm) are wierd since we only put her and some other guy that she frequently either hit or argue with together. Its really amusing, on the way back, i kept asking myself if our logic are screwed since normally getting hit means dislike but then again it depends on the person we are refering to... So oh well. Thats the end of today, have to revise more again later in the night T__T

Random quote: from the song "closer" by Inoue Joe: "You've gotta be extra careful
with the things nearest to you
You know the closer you get to something the tougher it is to see it"
I am going to let go abit =)

Tired from all the studying that i made up a series of thoughts about time.

If only time could be turn back, things would end up differently.
Pain will be lessen,
Decisions will be made with greater precision,
Desires wouldn't be as fierce as now
Feelings would be less intense

Darkness might not even devour my soul
Light might still exist in my world

But,
reality is never smooth-sailing
humans need to overcome hurdles to be stronger
wishes can never be true
the clock will keep on ticking

Had infocomm software training today as well, but it was more of a gaming session than a training session. I am feeling a bit gulity now =X

During the morning, taken photos that was meant to be uploaded for competition but i guess i am too lazy to edit them as well...

Lunch, had KFC, i can't believe that i had make a wrong decision. Humans are unpredictable indeed, there is no way to predict things properly as long there is human factor.. wanted to emo the whole day while reflecting on how stupid i was but then cheng chong just had to "irritate" me. Vented all my anger on him.

Afternoon, had movie making training but i wasn't paying attention at all since i was without a com to try but i think i going to pay 100% attention to next week lesson, i found something that i need to do with it.

Went back home with JT, talked about lots of crap. Had lot of things that i am not ready to do yet but there is no time to think and plan already... 5 months left

爱得越深,分离时就越痛苦

Woke up at 3am this morning.. it was my idea to wake up so early but apparently wilson's morning wake up message came abit tooooo early...

Anyway, i had infocomm software training from 9am to 5pm, my mind was filled with actionscript for the first 3hrs.. i think i can't absorb flash training anymore. During the training, i was showing wilson roy mustang's fight with lust(from full metal alchemist). He commented that roy mustang is actually very strong but are those that kept his strength a secret. Those words actually made me think. Ain't all humans the same? Humans kept their strength to keep out of trouble all the time, be it in school or outside. They will not do what they can do.

Lunch time, we had mac. We had to get takeaways for our dear kai quan who was busy editing photos until he had no time to eat until 3+pm. The J2 infocomm members made a "FAPsi" cola for him, the picture is too scary to be uploaded here though =_=

Anyway, thats the end of today =) more work need to be done

Random statement: i will be waiting for your proper answer until the day i am forgotten

Major bodyache when i woke up this morning and i woke up at 9am(consider late for me already). Finally, the holidays, managed to enjoy it for 1 morning at least, slack all the way until 2pm before starting of revision.

Studies all the way to 7pm, tiring but its something i have to do.Have anyone wonder if things happen because of coincidence? I was thinking of something that JT said yesterday and my sis just have to play "walk away" from HSM3 and it so happen to be playing when i was taking a break and walking around the house =_=. Was that meant as a sign? I guess i won't want to know the answer

Time to work harder!

Random idea: time doesn't wait, time will eventually heal the scars but time also corrode those dear memories. Which will you choose? escape or accept?

The sequel to my camp story. I woke up at 4am this morning, to be exact i didn't even sleep. I can't sleep in school for some reason but i can sleep in lectures though(lol). Anyway, i went for a walk around the school and discover there are lesser cockroaches during 4am compared to 1am+(sorry was too bored). After which, met with paulina and cheng chong that couldn't sleep as well. Chatted until 6am and woke everyone up.

Morning stations, i was so freaking tired, tried to catch some shut-eye whenever i could but somehow during my station i was ok but after that, my fatigue came back.
I missed the sponge game ~_~(sorry to the planner for that)

After that, debrief and came home!

As a side note, i just wanted to thank the excos especially for making my first and last CCA camp successful =)

Random statement: seperation doesn't mean anything, the bond that relates us is all that matter.

Infocomm camp

Had camp for the past 2 day, a tiring but enriching experience. I felt the joy of passing on the legacy to the juniors be it good traditions or just plain old camp memories. The first day was pretty fun with the wet games.

I was in charge of the water bombs, had to make 400 water bombs in 2hrs, 400!!!! but guo dong and gerladine help out so sort of make it in time. The game was relatively fun, the groups enjoy themselves even thought they broke the rules. But hey, its about fun and rules are meant to be broken. Had water splashing as well, i was half wet and dry(sashi please aim properly =_=) the feeling was totally wierd and wierd.

Zoom into the nightwalk: i was in charge of the photography room with kai quan. I was acting as the "CCTV" while kai quan is responsible for scaring people and the loud noise of the shutter apparently scared most people and even make 1 girl cry(tsk tsk kai quan....) and the most irritating thing happen during the last station which is the most epic of all, i regreted not taking a video of it.

End of day 1