2nd week of unit life is over, spend the first day outfield in total shitty place. The whole day was freaking raining until our shellscrape is filled with mud, field pack full with mud -_-. see le also wan to kill myself.

After the field camp, we only had lectures and more self-study periods which is damm shiok, can rest and rest and rest but still my problem cant be solve. The mask problem is getting on my nerves but luckily they finally took some action, send me for couselling with RSM and now sending me to psychiatrist.

The first day when i came back to coy line after my camp, i was feeling damm sian and tired and irritated but the moment i saw that message, it immedialtely brighten my day, thank you(you know who you are) =D

2 more hours to book in but why isit that i hate it so much. I had experienced book in before, stay-in before as well... I really cannot take it anymore, i have no idea why i am so scared of having a mask but i am really tired of being scared. I cant even sleep properly for 4 days already, keep waking up becos of nightmares... please OC, just let me OOC, free me from this nightmare

First week of unit life is over, i practially did nothing in there due to my phobia of confined places(i didnt even noe i had it)... Now have to decide whether to get OOC or not or i can try to clear that retarded problem. My current vocation is consider the best out of the rest of the combat fit vocation... haiz... what to do....

Time to sleep to prepare myself for my new unit... Its like the beginning all over again, the fear of the unknown. Is it going to be tough? How will it be like? How will my bunkmats be? Those are questions that ran thru my mind. All those scary facts about the unit in the forum, gonna experience them first hand soon, until then...

A little something from darker than black, an anime i was watching, the difference between humans and contractors are rational thinking, contractors feel fear as well but they dont put emotions as part of the equation. A little something to think about, emotions... a burden or a boost? a boon or a bane? Will it save or will it destroy?

I would enjoy your views =)

yosh! ff13 is halfway complete, with only fang and hope's equipment to perfect.
Time to search for a new game =)

With my unit confirmed and information gathered about it, i really feel damm sian but then again, other units are equally tough in their own way. Like my OC has mentioned before, compare apple with apple, different unit with different job scoop has different problems.

A little bit about my unit, so far i only know it handles chemical, biological stuff and that its an active unit. Come to think of it, its a unit i am most suited to be in(ideal-wise). For what did i go NS for? In order to protect the whole of singapore? This just sounds too presumptuous for me, i just wanted to protect this one person that i really like... All the while, i can only keep my sanity in camp because of this connection, perhaps the she will never see this post but i am really afraid of losing this connection...

This is funny since from young, i have cut off my connection totally after each chapter of my life closes, be it primary school, secondary school, JC, only keeping this small circle of friends that i can really call friends. From young, i wanted to be a loner until melvin and kiat open me to the real world, its just like tasting the forbidden fruit, once i understand this bond between humans, i cant go back anymore... And for that i fear of this bond breaking...

But for now, i thank you still being there...

kotae no nai mainichi ga
tada sugite yuku jikan ga
kore kara saki dounaru no darou?
wakaranai…

These fruitless days and
this time that just passes by,
where will they lead me?
I don’t know…

yami yori mo fukai yoru no kodoku ni
madowasareteta
dareka ni ima kidzuite hoshii…
koko kara nigedashitai kara

Rather than the darkness, I was led astray
by the loneliness of the night.
Someone, please realize it…
I want to run away from this place!

mado kara mieru asayake
heya ni narihibiku oto
ARA-MU ni okosarete
usugurai naka ie tobidasu yo
KABAN no naka ni ha
nani mo kawaranai heibon tsumekonde
soshite itsumo no basho he

From the window, I can see the sunrise,
a sound rings in my room,
awoken by the alarm clock,
In my depression, I dash out from my home.
In my bag, there’s nothing
but the usual stuffed in there…
With that, I go to the usual place.

dareka ga itta kotoba ga
ki ni natte madowasarete
arasoitaku nante nai kara
nani mo ienai
yume ya risou ha aru keredo
kimochi bakari saki ni itte
genjitsu ga zutto ushiro kara
BOKU wo miteru

The words someone said
bother me a bit…they confuse me.
I don’t want to have any disputes,
so I don’t say anything at all.
I have my own dreams and ideals but,
by feelings rush in before I do.
Reality as always been staring at me
from behind.

nee dareka oshiete
minna sou nano kana?
kyou ga shiawase nara
sorede ii to omoerutte
osanai koro ni ha
tashika ni atta yo
yume wo oikaketeta
demo sore mo tooi kioku

Hey, someone tell me,
is everyone else like this?
If today I can be happy,
that’s is enough for me.
Back in my childhood,
I’m sure I had
a dream I chased after…
but that too is just a distant memory…

kotae no nai mainichi ga
tada sugite yuku jikan ga
kore kara saki dou naru no darou?
wakaranai…
TSUKIAKARI no MICHISHIRUBE
kumo wo koe BOKU ni todoke
susumu beki michi wo terashite yo
kyou ga donna ni kowaresou demo

These fruitless days and
this time that just passes by,
where will they lead me?
I don’t know…
The Signs of the Moonlight
crosses over the clouds and reach me
and light the road I must take
even during the bleakest days…

nani ga attemo
nani ga attemo
shinjitetai kara
ano hi no tooi kioku yobisamasu kara
wasurenaide ne mune ni kizamitsuke

no matter what happens,
no matter what happens,
I want to believe
because my memories of those days have awoken me.
I won’t forget them, I carve them in my heart.

kotae ha jibun no naka ni
kanarazu aru mono dakara
akiramenaide
tsuyoku ikiru koto wo yamenaide
kanashi sugite
mae ni susumenai toki demo
mukashi ni nayamiayunda bokura ni
kaze ha fuku
dokomade demo

The answer lies within us,
I’m sure it’s there that’s why
we will not give up.
We won’t stop living strongly
even in harsh times
where we can’t move forward.
To us who have worries,
the wind blows
through thick and thin.

2 days into my block leave and i finally finish my final fantasy 13 game. Sitting around in front of my laptop while resting make me remember something.
4 months ago, everyone in camp desired to pass out from tekong and now after passing out, they desired to O.R.D. Humans are really greedy arent they, we are always asking for more, when we got something, we just think of what is next. Have we ever just stop and be thankful for all that has passed?

one major word for this week POP lo!!

Finally, gotten out of tekong and now no more REC but a PTE. The feeling is different but then again as what people say, we are getting out of hell to go to another hell, it will just be hell until this 2 year are done.

Block leave time!! Gonna spam games and meet up with friends for this week before have to go unit and report and possibly stay in for RT since my IPPT and SOC cui

One last thing to add, please say if there is anything on your mind, i am no mind-reader, i dont know whether if i am annoying you. I regard you dearly so please, dont make me do stupid stuff and be hated by you...

VOOOIIIIIIIIII 4 more days left to POP, currently left 2 more days of rehearsels and 1x 24km route march and finally the grad parade. Cant wait for 8th april.
With that over with, i would be able to enjoy my block leave.

The child of darkness sit with his back facing the light, the people of light scorn him believing of whatever they know and what they have taught. But what is truth and what is lies, there is no truth in the world and they could all be lies, our existance and whatnot. Who are we to look at people with tinted glasses. Slowly, the child of darkness will reach the point of no return, falling back to his comfort darkness only hoping that she will ever understand him but perhaps that was just too much to ask for since this world is just made up of nothing but lies. And with that, he close his eyes and wept...