Just a post before i head off to camp, i know its strange since i normally post once per week but i guess i had quite alot on my mind now and with the one piece song "share the world" blasting in my ears, i cant seem to rememeber what isit that i wanted to post(lol)

Ah, now i remember, i was watching angel beats, a new anime that recently been added and i guess i was influenced by it as with elfen lied. The anime is just about how sad people life could be and those that die with regrets are given a chance to be "god" which is actually their school student council president. One phrase struck me hard "your life is real, even if its filled with hurt and sorrow, its still your life" muwhahaha... cant remember the exact phrase already, the meaning is somehow along that line and i am out of time already... heh...

Its never possible to totally forget, what is possible is only to escape and delude.
A world of illusions is a perfect and comfortable world to live in,
no hardship
no pain
no sorrow...
all traded for that one true feeling
would you do the trade? kufufufu(copied from mukuro)

Cant believe how close i was to getting marksmanship, it was just 1 shot. Like in any strategic game or in life, just 1 mistake, just 1 wrong step could end everything in defeat and regret but just 1 win might also lead everything to victory.
The only thing is we never know when that crtical point would arrive, humans just blindly live in the world, for pleasure, for honour, for just plain living because we have to....

Tired of dumb reasoning in this world.

On a lighter note, i am out of camp on a wednesday night =D Seems like the company help us arrange the leaves which is today and thursday. Friday will have a wierd outing with the company to a place that i hate the most. Need to prepare my clothing for friday -_-

To those studying, just a little bit more before the end on this year, endure!!

Enough of being depressed over stuff. I had been emoing over the fact that I have no team but my sgt told me something interesting. To quote, no team doesnt mean you are going to get kick out of camp lar, just show that you can do the job better than someone else and you will get a place.
Interesting huh, i have to keep focusing on the training and maybe show the sgt that despite my phobia of mask, i can still perform my task...

There is still one person that had stand by me through out my NS life, maybe its just pointless to ramble on without taking any actions. What YK lim say is true, I should take some action but I am always afraid that the status quo cannot be maintained. What if we can no longer be friends? That would be alot worse and to be honest, i am quite sure that she wont even like me so... this is what i had decided...
To make sure i will never go back on my word, i posted on my blog and later on will on facebook.
" I hereby declare that "she" will always be my friend, a close friend perhaps if permitted and I will not harbour wierd feelings towards her"

The end of course, learning of equips and stuff are done and now we reach the next phase of training which is team. I find it easier compared to the previous phase, helping each other and specalising in our individual role is more interesting than just plain learning equipments and our individual drills. The irony is that for a loner like me, i am able to excel more in team oriented things, did NS change me? Or have i been deluding myself all this while? I will never know the answer. Even so, I am the only guy in the company without a team, I am just kind of waiting for them to kick me out of camp or something...

Its already June, 6 months soldier already. 6 months since i grad from tpjc, hasnt really keep in touch with my former classmates and schoolmates except a few, maybe... history will just repeat itself, just ripples on the surface of the water...

A long weekend for the newly passed out CBRD combat enginner to rest. After 8 weeks worth of pain and suffering(literally), we finally got our badge... One problem solved, one more problem coming up... Had an x-ray for my leg and to discover something wrong with it, the MO say that if i keep overworking my leg, i might not even be able to straighten it anymore aka unable to walk... Retarded huh, chiong so hard only to receive this news, its like wtf...

My only reason, my only resolve continuing believing in NS is only that I could live up to her expectations, she had been my only pillar of support since i enter that hellish place 6 months ago... Now i cant even live up to her expectations, although I didnt want to trouble her any further but ironically i am writing all this stuff on my blog, I just need to release some stress... Someone once said, if you are afraid then just rush through it, if you are feeling worried just let it out, throw the burden somewhere, anywhere that is not in your heart...

Haiz... really depressing, doubt I will talk to her for awhile since I cant even face her with these stupid failure me...

Finally reaching the end of the course, next week is just outfield and passing out parade. Cant believe how much the whole CBR pionner have gone through just to reach this point. All thats left is the CFT that we must pass and the irrtating outfield.
Been down with fever since saturday morning but apprently still working fine despite that, even went for the remedial training conducted by my company...

There was one day when my sgt caught me looking at the sky. The first thing he ask was why do i keep looking at the sky, i just lied that the clouds are nice. The real reason was i am just hoping that she is looking at the sky as well and is able to know what i am thinking. A seriously retarded idea but still... guess i read too much novels and stuff =)

thats all for the 7th week, praying hard for her to be happy despite the challenges of an A level year. Jiayou ar!!!