Next week is judgement week already, 'dragon warrior" the final test before everything will be nice and easy? Maybe so? ha... The whole of this week was just training and preparing for 'dragon warrior' along with some preparation for an event. Sometimes i really hate the sgts, they just treat us like tools, call us to do whatever work they believe is correct and when it is wrong, we are being blamed and have to do extra work... haiz...

Anyway, 28 aug, the very special person's birthday. Nothing i can do actually with her preparing for A levels. I can only pray that she will get the results she want.

On a side note, the mangas are getting interesting with tsuna's vongola gear looking extremely awesome and ryohei's match starting. Naruto is just hmm plain i guess? Bleach.. well... ichigo went for an upgrade and is owning aizen... suprising? nah
One piece.. extremely awesome with the explanation of haki and luffy's training program for 2 years, wonder how zoro is going to fare after mihawk teachs him =) but oh well, i can only know after 1 month

Sometimes i just hate my family. Why cant they be better, teach me better or understand things more. Isit my expectations that is too high? I dont know, I am really frustrated at this. I am angry but i have no idea at what. I hate myself... I hate being me... goddammit....

Another week ended in camp, as usual training and stuff but at least the training is getting similar to our test already. After a stand-in for a team commander, i realise that it is not easy to be one, they might just be giving out instructions while on site but alot of things need to be consider and because of my lack of that ablity, i lead my team to failure... Not born a leader, never will be one...

Had my MRI scan on wednesday, it took 1 hour which is why i hate going to hospitals and stuff for scans, it takes dammmm long to finish. Had an enjoyable week buying box of boosters packs, spent quite alot on cards already, need to cut down on them ~_~

National day ceremony, we had a simple one in camp. Our CO mention that singing of national anthem after a long while really does send the tingling sensation down our spines, is it because of he mentioning it or maybe it just that something hidden deep within us that we never really take the time to realise it.

On a last note, promise are sometimes really hard to keep, stopping myself from thinking of her is almost impossible... whatever i do, somehow i will think about her feelings... frustrating... haiz... promise is a promise still =(

From the start of time, is it god or the creator that give the right to the parents to be always right? I cant stand it anymore, they must always be right in whatever things. Whatever trival mistake we make, it would always blow up to be something big and along with a threat sent by them. I just cannot take it anymore, i wished i could just shout back at them but to live the role given to me by society, no choice but to suck thumb and wait for my chance.

She said: this is your home so you should help out.
I answered in perfect silence in my mind: family is not a word that i know, home is just a place that i spent my night at.
Dont make me laugh, whats this about home, family or even more indepth love? I have known nothing of it since young except from my grandma. This lack of it change me forever, i am now the lone kid with no idea how to love others, all i can do is show concern to friends or even to my crush. I like her so much but i cant even say that i love her when i dont even know what the word means... Screwed this, I am going to swear this, once they are old and I am done learning every single thing from them, I will treat them like how they once treat me, responsiblity not love, whatever they have teached me, i will return to them doublefold...

My world without light, nothing has change since the day it is created, rays of light might have attempted to pierce the neverending darkness but it is only a small ray... the vast darkness will consume all hope and light leaving behind despair and darkness.. the world that suits me well