Haiz.. finally this week is over, this is the first time since course that i felt so sian to be in camp. why? range =_= had to waste 4 days on something that have been done before. CO forces us to get marksmanship which i didnt get again... This is really stupid, going over to waste everybody's time especially those that have done once and tasted failure once and now to add insult to injury, i miss my marksmenship by 2 shots...

If everything is a stage then what is the stage i am going through now? What is SAF teaching us to be, i have no idea. If life is a game then where is my final boss in this stage, the mission? No idea at all... maybe i just didnt look hard enough to spot god dropping hints around me? or maybe i cant hear his voice at all...

A week more to A levels... JIAYOU!!!

Proud of what you have done but never proud of what you can do

At least changing the tagbox solves the problem... although every single thing is gone...

Chalet just ended... and with that ends the highlight for this week. A rest week for us and seriously chalet is fun to a certain extent. Playing mahjoing and cards overnight, squeezing around in a bed and BBQ is fun but still a complete waste of time to me, although did manage to enjoy quite abit. The night would have been perfect if not for my father.

I ask him to fetch me and ya i know its a prvileage for him to fetch me so i tried to be very nice in my tone when he scolded me like 3 or 4 times over the phone because i was walking from downtown east to pasir ris MRT. The details i shall not go in depth, the blame i shall not named, perhaps its my fault but still i really cant...carry on...

This world is so irrtating, i am to the point that if anyone dares to kill me or i would go for it, just to kill him in hopes i will die. Its like there is no meaning in life, tell me what am i supposed to do. I always thought i knew but its always otherwise, i tried following it but it always fail. Nothing to live for already... My purpose in life will be gone soon, thought i tried to continue in the world that she is but soon the new flood of people would soon make my actions meaningless, there is no difference to her being in a world with or without me...

Live life as it is supposed to be... So what is "life" supposed to be

No idea how to name this post but ya this post is an answer to you. Perhaps, i might be mistaken the recepient of your post for me, if it is, i believe this post might not be of any use but regardless still...

Friendship to me is something wierd, at times it can be a boon or a burden. It is because of this bond that is shared that things are seen in a different light.
This bond is perhaps fragile but it is afterall something that will in the end shape your perspective, are we to blame a friend for any mistakes when we as friends didnt manage to notice anything and correct them. Of course, you will feel warm and fuzzy when your friends care about you but at the same time, you will feel sad when they are hurt or in trouble, how heavy is this burden? This weight of emotions?

Humans just cant see things that are close to them, precious things might be overlooked with just a glance at the daily happenings. Even so, i believe one day someone(not me) will be able to surpass this flaw.

Of course i will miss you,
for as long as my soul is still lit,
i will never forget you and the fun times in the past,
this is a fact that has been and will be true

Alone is the best way to retreat,
i am not ready to forgive myself for all the sins i have done,
i have no right to do forgive myself,
i am still a coward, no guts to face the world
to carry the burden of sin.

No longer in denial, i know myself, time isnt right or maybe never will be
but still, i only hope for all the small tiny good things i have done, it can be used to help others... I only hope for people i care to be happy that is all, perhaps i will complain that my life is bad but still deep under i know i am contented.

I once told her: I am a shadow, shadow fade away after the master no longer needs it,
only purpose in the world is to help and that is perhaps my task that i am created for.

I know you care but its alright, i would rather the effort be used for yourself and to be happy that will be nice. =)

Another week ended with the highlight of the CO evening, i must say my platoon really has talent especially hao jie, his performance is the best. Had a mini BBQ on that day, make the whole hall smoky and smoky but still its fun.

Now to the the more sad stuff, had IPPT but apprently i fail again, sometimes i wonder if i havent done enough training or maybe during training i havent put in enough effort, i really dunno. But whats past is past, i can only keep training and keep doing the things the way i live my life as, with pride.

P.S. cant edit the tagboard sorry =(

Its already october, time really flies, its already been 10 months since i enlisted in army. Alot of things are supposed to change but i guess i try to keep the change limited but still vulgarities is something unable to contain XD. Try hearing those words after single day, after awhile you will start using it as well.

Physical wise, i had upgraded quite abit already, from a IPPT fail in most stations to only a fail in standing broad jump now with the looming IPPt next wednesday, my chance to try at the inevitable again, sometimes when i think of giving up, i will just remember the rest of the world trying their best at things that are troublesome as well like studying for A levels and stuff. Its hard to keep going at times but you just have to keep going and it will pass real soon

Mental wise, cant say i become smarter but i hopefully i can retain some of my knowledge learned before entering army. Maybe i have matured abit but i cant say so with all my childish games and cards, thats what my parents say though. I remember my JC maths teacher mdm yang say this before, boys have to go through before they mature and call themselves man, true i guess haha, hopefully the 2nd part of what she say will happen too.

A lot of wierd things are happening but nothing can be wierder than you giving up on yourself

Silver wing, lone light. Finally, the wings have broken off, he who falls back to the ground, stares in envy at his friends. Knowing that no longer able to be in that group, he walk off alone... Never realizing how nice it is to be until it is not to be, how regretful he was but the world is not forgiving. Priceless time to never stop, sorrowful memories on repeat, heart breaks over again until the day he ceases to move... One day, the dark will claim or divine shall bestow forgivness for he is a sinner of great degree, never to dare to ask for forgivness but only to wait for heaven's judgement