sometimes its just better to be the bad guy. Being too nice will make people assume that this person can be taken advantage of. Well, thats it already. Pleasehis dont ask me to help anymore or whatever stuff, you guys can go do your own standby duty yourself. Doing something doesnt mean that you are looking for recognition or reward, at most i just want understanding that helping is just plain helping cause i am free and are able to help. I am not that bloody tortoise that do things that are pointless or just do just to show people that he is helpful.

I have my own principles, my own justice, my pride is to stick to them. My way of life

Hey world,
can someone answer me
Whats life
What are we supposed to do with it

Hey god,
can you answer me
why did you create different genders
why is there adam and eve

Can anyone tell me what am i supposed to do
What am i supposed to do with this void in my heart
A void that cant be filled up no matter what

I am afraid
This void will end up hurting people around me
I want to hide away
I am scared
Of losing them all

Tried so hard to be someone that is not me
Its getting to me
I might be breaking down soon
I am not as strong as you think
I am not as strong as I tried to be
I am not as strong as I think can be

Simple answer
Simple prayer
Complicated world
No rights to do anything anymore
No longer firm in my beliefs
No longer able to care
No longer able to love
No longer possible to understand this world

Argh...
Just give me my solution, god
I am so tired
Sometimes that hope of concern
just fades away with the wind

Life currently is bad compared to before, maybe becos its a new year thats why it so strict but it feel so foreign to me. There is no longer this sense of belonging and pride to be staying there and being part of a company. Time might change it but for now, i hate the company alot.

There isnt much interesting things going on in army but things still happen regardless. In any case, the mangas are finally back after 2 weeks of rest, out of the 4 i have been reading namely one piece, bleach, naruto and hitman reborn. I think hitman reborn latest chapter owns all, hibari as usual face an overhyped enemy again but his new vongola gear weapons kind of make me interested. Naruto was abit dull with the intro of the seven swordsman though their weapon and style sounds cool. Bleach is like haiz... One piece, it still setting up the plot so i will reserve my view after the plot is revealed.

Isolating myself is working so far but lets see how long i can last before i start messenging her again

First week in alpha, really hate it much. First thing first, we never got to move until friday which made us really wonder whats up with their HQ. Second, the place is strict, its feel with this aura of stress and half-baked style. Their men in it is like doing things half-baked. Their HQ specs are damm freaking lazy, asking the orderly to do whatever shit they dun wan to do. Got very pissed off after 1 day of orderly duty there.
Lastly, the 3rd floor is like crap, the bunk is like crap dirty and our PC just said that the bunk could be more cleaner when we spent 2 to 3 hours clearing up the mess, cleaning the dust-filled place with our hearts and souls. We really tried our best, well most of us that is... Sometimes, i am just tired of doing things without any appreciation.

Likewise, i just hate myself for taking people for granted.
Black and white
Day and night
The opposite yet the closest
The black ink that spills
Cover the plain white page
Creates the stain that never to be remove
Whatever you do
However you tried
The stain are there to stay

No need for words
No need for regrets
I am who I am
My sins are me
I am my sins
Forgive me shall not
Forgive them shall be
When the last light fades
Release shall come
Suffering to end
Pain no more
Sins to be cleansed
Memories to be erased
Life anew